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2009 Golden Globe Awards

Last night was the Golden Globe Awards and although I TiVo-ed the hell out of it, it was still everything I needed it to be. Here’s my thoughts:

-Alec Baldwin chewed gum. He’s a genius, and I love him, but if I want to see a big star chewing gum, I’ll put it an old Mae West tape.

-Rumor Willis, who’s the child of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, was Miss Golden Globes. This means she walked up and down with statues in her hands and presented to them people much more famous than she is. I’m sure she’s a very nice girl, but did she have to be interview by Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet? Where’s Julie Andrews when you need her?

-One of the best lines on the red carpet. Julianna what’s-her-name from E! interviewing Kevin Nealon from “Weeds”:

Julianna What’s-Her-Name: “So…who are you wearing?”

Kevin Nealon: “Oh, I’m wearing Nabisco.”

-I hope I don’t go to jail for this, but I really want someone to punch Miley Cyrus square in the face.

-Hollywood duos have a long history I films: Doris Day/ Rock Hudson, Clark Gable/Joan Crawford, and of course, Tracey and Hepburn. I feel the same way about Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett. I’d watch them do anything. And to see them so humbled and so maniacally cute together made me really happy.

-When asked on the red carpet about her new role as jazz great Etta James, Beyonce replied:

“I had a lot of support from my family and friends because at first I didn’t thinkI could do it, but it’s the best performance I think I’ve ever done on screen.”

Well…I’ll be looking forward to that, I tell ya.

-Eva Longoria wore a long, red ball gown with a train you could hide 10 Vietnamese under. She looked like old Hollywood. Glamorous and chic.

-Ryan Seacrest interviewing Rainn Wilson from “The Office”:

Ryan Seacrest: “So Rainn, you were here last year, what was one of your favorite moments?”

Rainn Wilson: “I got to pee right next to Marin Scorsesee. That was fun.”

-Zac Effron is really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY pretty. Really. So what was with the Jerry Lewis grease in his hair?

-The questions on the red carpet about the tragic death of Heath Ledger and Christina Applegate’s cancer scare was a bit much. That’s enough. Let the man rest in peace, and allow Applegate to what she does: Act.

-When Brad and Angelina came down the red carpet together all hell broke loose. There’s a little box at the top of the stairs where all the famous people gather and speak to good ole reliable Ryan. Unfortunately, neither Brad nor Angelina decided to pop on up for a chat. So Ryan, with the producers screaming in his left ear piece no doubt, went racing down the stairs, chasing after the infamous duo. As he began to announce himself he attempted to speak to them in vain. They ignored him, turned their backs, and kept walking, It was the best thing I’ve ever seen at any awards show. Ever.

“Brad? Angelina? Brad? It’s…it’s me, Ryan…….is this thing on?”

-I absolutely adore America Fererra. There’s something beautiful and amazing about this girl. I believe everything that comes out of her mouth. Everything.

-Heath Ledger won his posthumous award for his brilliant portrayal of The Joker in "Dark Knight". He's a shoo-in for an Oscar. He's that good.

-Renee Zelwegger looked like the top of a hooker wedding cake.

-Why was everyone winking at the camera? Fiennes, Cruise, Baldwin….we’ve had a little too much Sarah Palin in our lives. Don’t wink people. It means nothing. It’s a useless, pointless, egregious gesture. I’m begging you. Just say thanks, smile, wave a srick, anything but wink. Anything.

-I worship Johnny Depp’s talent. Will someone please hand him a comb?

-Drew Barrymore had a strapless, power blue trumpet dress on and walked down the red carpet hand in hand with the brilliant Jessica Lange in a black, 1920’a style cocktail deal. They both looked amazing, but what made me drop my dentures was when they announced the reason they were there. As they approached Seacrest, they talked about the dresses, about the actual show, and then announced that they’ve just finished the film version of “Grey Gardens”. I then fell off the bed and peed on myself.

-Who are the Jonas Brothers? Please help me.

-When 30 Rock won for Best Comedy Seiries, Tracey Morgan blurted out:

"Tina Fey and I had a bet, that if Barrack won this year, I'd be the new face of progress. That's me! I'm the new face! Suck on THAT, Cate Blanchett!!"

-Every time Tom Cruise gets up in front of people and begins to speak I can’t help but picture him saluting a flag with L. Ron’s face on it.

-One of the greatest presenter moments was Ricky Gervasis’ call on the loud, obnoxious and partly drunk crowd of famous people, as he announced:

“Hey! Hey! Quiet down! Boy you’re a rude lot. Just cuz your movies stars.”


-Is it wrong of me to want to see a film in which Brad Pitt and Leonardo DeCaprio make out a little bit?

-Little, wispy Sally Hawkins won her Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical over heavy weights Streep, and Thompson. She was delightful and teary and looked a bit like Audrey Hepburn. But I think the best part was watching as Marissa Tomei wipe a few tears away from her own eyes as well. I love those moments.

-Where’s the fountain Demi Moore’s dipping into??? I NEED it!!

-Here’s to Tina Fey who’s having the career of all careers. Her speech was hilarious.

“I’d like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press. I’ve loved them ever since I was a little girl. I had all the action figures.”

She’s a genius. And deserves all the success in the world.

-Slumdog Millionaire won everything. I have to see this movie.

-There was a wonderful moment as they cut away to commercial where Kate Winslett gave a big Hello Kiss to Sally Field and sat down at her table to chat. They both looked truly humbled by each other. And minutes later, Winslet won her second award of the evening and gave a beautiful, touching speech apologizing to Meryl Streep. Fantastic.

-The most genuine moment of the evening was when Mickey Rourke won his award for Best Actor. I’ve seen many standing ovations at awards shows before, but I’ve rarely seen one like this. Every single person in the room leapt to their feet as if someone lit fire under their chairs. They were truly, truly happy for this man. And let’s not forget, O’Rourke is a highly skilled and multi faceted actor.

I also couldn’t help but be happy for my really good pal Sheila O’Malley. I knew how thrilled she’d be for him. I’m glad he’s back as well. Really glad.

As much as I take various stabs at Hollywood and it’s stars, it’s the town I work in and the town I’ve loved since I was 5 years old. I say all this with enormous love, and a tremendous amount of jealousy. Thanks for a great show, and keep the new faces coming.

Especially when they’re on the old faces.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 12th, 2009 02:52 pm (UTC)
The Miley jab...
I could not agree with you more!!
“tee hee... I'm at the Golden Globes... tee hee!”

Jan. 12th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
The Katharine Hepburn Theater
Hi...since you do "Kate" I thought you might like to know that the Katharine Hepburn Theater will be opening this summer (2009) in Hepburn's beloved seaside town of Old Saybrook, Connecticut.
To find out all about us go here: http://www.katharinehepburntheater.org
To become a "Founding Fan" go here:
We'd love it if you'd link to us to help us spread the word about this theater named after an iconic actress.
Thanks so much!
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:24 am (UTC)
Re: The Katharine Hepburn Theater
Hey Anonymous...

I think your opening Gala Performance needs to be La Belle Katie...Alexandra Billings...

THEN you'll see promotion!!!
Jan. 12th, 2009 07:24 pm (UTC)
Colin Farrell was a jerk
I've never had any strong feelings about Farrell but did you happen to notice when he presented for Best Foreign Language Film? Right as he was about to announce the winner, he sniffled and made a reference to his cocaine days. Then immediately announced the winner's name. It was an attempt at a joke (that got NO laughs). This Israeli man's film about war in the middle east was made second seat to Farrell's need to make it all about him. Classless.

-Steve H.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )