Alexandra Billings (abillings) wrote,
Alexandra Billings

How Very Kerry

There are plenty of things I don’t get in the world. There are a myriad of subjects I know nothing about. A lot of things go right over my head, and I’ve been known to stand in the middle of a crowded room smiling like a mime clown. I freely admit that I’m far from the smartest chick on the planet.

But I do know what’s funny.

And this wasn’t funny.

Whether or not Kerry meant to say what he said when he said it is, for me, irrelevant. I couldn’t care less what his point was. I think Kerry needs to shut up. Shut up; don’t run for anything except cover, and get the Hell out of the way of the microphone. Let’s face it, Kerry’s not the most dynamic guy in the room. He reminds me a bit of a middle aged businessman from the suburbs who arrived 2 hours early at Edna’s house for the block party dinner and spends hours outside wondering what his next big move should be. Misplaced and fumbling, that’s John Kerry.

I don’t know if he indeed meant to insult Bush and his cronies or whether his soldier remark was an over sighted Freudian slip. Or maybe he’s just a moron in a monkey suit. I know that slinging mud at the soldiers isn’t the best way to make friends. Especially Republican friends.

Should Kerry say he’s sorry? Probably. Even if he didn’t mean to say what he thought he said, he should still say he’s sorry. That’s just polite. He can then turn his I’m Sorry into a Bush slam, I’m okay with that. I mean, everyone’s doing it. Slamming Bush is the New Black. So hop on the rain, Egghead.

But more importantly, he should check his comedy copy before he opens his mouth. There must be a random comedian on Sunset and Vine he can yank off the corner and hire to, at the very least, write him something half way amusing. If not, he’d better invest in a hand buzzer or some fake dog poop. Now THOSE are classic.
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