Hello, I'm Kai. I'm 17 and FtN...ish. My actual gender is neutral, but the filter between me and the world changes from male to female and other stuff. I'm preparing to tell my parents that I'm trans within the next two months, so I will probably be asking a lot of things. Right now I'll just start with a couple questions.

First of all, I'm trying to figure out the logistics of socially switching to a different name. Right now, my six closest friends all use my preferred name. Luckily it starts with the same letter as my given name, so I've started signing papers with [first initial][last name], but I'd like to completely switch over. In January, a new semester starts and I'd like to use Kai consistently, but all of my teachers either have already had me in class or know me by my given name from elsewhere. I thought I'd email my teachers, and since they mostly seem cool they'll probably be okay, but I'm more worried about dealing with other people's "WTF, why are they calling you Kai?" Even cis people start using nicknames sometimes, but how do you actually do it?

Second thing is a binding thing. I'm lucky to have a really small chest (34A), but I'd like to get it flat and don't know how. My immediate hope was to find a tight sports bra, but it's really hard to find a size small where I live, let alone an extra-small or something like that. So now that I know I'll have to order something anyways, I figure I might as well just find out what is the most effective.

This is the 4th Sunday of Advent. I will be talking about peace and angels. Peace. What is peace? Is peace not-war? Is it not-chaos? Reducing peace to a thing, event, single experience, or theory does not seem right to me.

As most Christians interpret Isaiah 9:6, Jesus is the Prince of Peace and yet according to Matthew 10:34, Jesus did not come to bring peace to earth, but a sword. The text continues with Jesus promoting his set of family values.

Matthew 10: 35 - 39
35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; 36 and one's foes will be members of one's own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38 and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.

And yet, here is another statement of family values from Jesus, Matthew 15:4-6
4 For God said, "Honor your father and your mother,' and, "Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must surely die.' 5 But you say that whoever tells father or mother, "Whatever support you might have had from me is given to God,' then that person need not honor the father. 6 So, for the sake of your tradition, you make void the word of God.

Prince of Peace
Lion of the Tribe of Judah
Healer
Thrasher of the Temple

Is peace standing in front of a tank, using your body to say "Stop this war!"
Is peace protecting a woman being beaten by a man by taking her into your home or standing between them?
Is peace healing on a Sabbath day on purpose to provoke religious authorities to hate you?
Is peace a man being nailed to a cross because he was not cowed by the religious and political manipulators of his day?
Is peace a tranquil winter scene with horse pulling a wagon, the snow on either side remaining undisturbed?

Do we live peace?
Do we enact peace?
Do we experience peace in a passive way?
Is peace deep?
Is peace on the surface?
Is peace freedom from illness?
Is peace watching yourself die from your illness?

Can peace include Violence? Blood? Passion? Sleep? Breathing? Chaos? Order?

Peace ... is there such a thing as peace? Can we find it in a food? In a relationship? In music?

The Grouch's advice on having a successful career in hip hop: "Be yourself. Don't use autotune." simple, but sage.

Hey all,

I haven't posted to this community before (though I've been lurking for ages), so first, a quick intro:
My name is Liam and I'm a 20-year-old trans guy. I'm a college student in Washington state. I'm pre-medical transition, but I've socially transitioned as much as one who is not consistently read as male can. And on to the question:

I filed my paperwork for my name change about a month ago, and my court date will be about a month from now. Needless to say, I'm excited. I'm currently trying to figure out all the places I need to contact and have them change my name (and it sure seems like a lot!). Mostly I've got things under control, but I've been wondering about one specific situation. Over the summer, I worked at a summer camp. Do I need to contact them and let them know about my name change? I'm picturing bad scenarios with mismatching W2 forms. Would it bring up problems? Because once I change my name with the SSA, I'm assuming both my names would be on file there and linked to my social security number. I don't know. The whole tax thing kind of confuses me, and I've had problems with it before.

If I can avoid it, I'd rather not contact this camp about my name change. But of course, I will if I have to. And what exactly does one say to a former employer about this in order to ensure that there are no problems with my tax forms? Do I just need to ask them to change the name in their records, or is there something more complicated?

Sorry if these are stupid questions. I'm still a bit of a life noob, I'm afraid.

-Liam

hello end of the year bonus! thanks boss!

Hey all, I just wanted to introduce myself. I've recently made the decision to move from Male to Female and have a long way to to.

I've always identified as female, but felt I was forced to hid it especially from my family. Now I've decided to stop hiding and am going to work towards being happy.

i know it's old news at this point, but Beyonce stage-diving was pretty badass.

Around the time I worked for GameFly, I quit wanting to work for the man. It was the combination of two snotty female bosses (PS BTW who have since quit and been fired from the company), and the biological clock ticking within me to get my shit together with my comedy and career.

I've never been able to recover from it.

I quit that 40 hour a week job with the odds against me. I didn't have any money in the bank, but I know that if I put the pedal to the metal, I would get somewhere. Mind you, in the large perspective of all things great and good, I have done a real bang up job. A DVD & CD release, a trip to Berlin to perform, a Japanese game show, other select movie and tv appearances, and a whole string of comedy dates to show for it. Lots of ups, lots of downs.

Now I'm in a position where I need to work. There's no more waiting or hoping. I am in the hole financially, albeit to my parents, but I gotta pay them back. Thank god for my parents, who played government bailout with me this year. In the time I was on the game show, and right after it was all said and done, I didn't have much work, nor any solid income coming in. It put Paul and I in a financial headlock, and neither of us played it smart or cool. So, with that in mind, I am now heading back to the workforce to get back on my feet again financially.

Hard Rock Cafe is all wonderful and good, except for one big problem. They overshot what they would bring in at the new location, and over-hired. Because of this, they have cut back hours to about 15-20 hours a week. That is not acceptable (at least to me, and four other people who have already quit because of it). Now mind you, I haven't jumped ship yet because the job itself is a piece of cake. The reality is, I can not survive on 15 hours a week. I need a 40-hour a week day job, and I need it quick.

Here's the next speed bump to that equation. I feel like at times I am underqualified for some positions I see online, and other times, I am way overqualified. Case in point, I applied online for Triple-A, in a customer service position. Now mind you, they seem a little stiff and rigid. "You may be seated at your desk position for a very long time with no chance to move around or get up...is that okay with you?" is seriously one of the questions they ask in the online interview questions, but I'm willing to take that risk in trade off for reward. Reward being cash money, bitches! Then we get to those weird existential questions. "Out of the two options below, which job would you prefer?" Answers are "I look forward to handing out assignments to other employees and monitoring their performance." and "I enjoying sitting at a computer for 8-10 hours a day". Now, I'm a managerial type. I like to lead and lead by example, I like to teach and I like to motivate others, so yeah, I look forward to supervisory roles and leadership. Throughout the existential questions, I leaned in that direction. When all was said and done, I got a "Sorry, you are not what we are looking for...good luck in the future" message. WTF.

So, you want someone to be a sheep who has no ambitions to lead others? I'm sorry Triple-A, I had no idea it took personality, drive and leadership ability to get in the door, but apparently, the minute you step inside, you want drones who have nothing else going for them.

Which brings me to my point about the 40-hour a week workforce and my relationship with it. Is it any wonder why I don't really want to be part of the 9-5 grind that saps my soul and makes me want to stab my eyes and ears out with a letter opener? Is it any wonder why bosses, higher ups, people in charge and corporations get what they pay for when they hire people so that they can basically use them up and spit them out? Even Hard Rock Cafe, which beats it's own proverbial chest about being so 'Rock'n'Roll', isn't rock'n'roll at all. It's a giant corporation. You can have a blue mohawk as an employee all you want at that store, but if push comes to shove, they will shove you to a breaking point of quitting because they can't offer you any hours to LIVE on.

So when it comes to the subject of myself and my problem with the "day job" mentality, yeah..anyone who reads this and is a working stiff in that world may be saying..."SUCK IT UP" and "Shut up and get a job you hippie!", but the truth is...I've been there, and I've done that. SBC, Musicland, Best Buy, GameFly..the list goes on. I've seen some of the worst managers and bosses known to man. So yeah, I want to suck it up, and get a job cuz I'm a dirty hippie....but there are days and weeks like this where I rack my brain re-evaluating my own purpose.

My dream and hope for the next couple of weeks, and for 2010 is that I work my magic somehow, and land a gig working for someone who gets me. They understand my ambitions, they cultivate my financial growth, and they see that I'm the hardest working stiff they could ever found. I feel like my confidence and my natural curiosity to learn and grow are assets that workforces rarely see these days. The places I've been are filled with kids who are more concerned about texting while they work an have -zero- ambition with a side order of no goals and dreams, and for some reason, those are the idiots who seems to thrive in today's working world. Guys like me who have a voice, an opinion, a drive and more common sense that I know what to do with are seen as a threat and as "wild child"s, and don't last.

I don't want any gifts for Christmas this year. What I want is for someone else to truly believe in my abilities and start paying me for them. I gotz the skillz to pay the billz, but I feel trapped in a world when no one wants those skillz and I can't pay my billz.

I think I might go back to background acting, to cover for the lack of work I'm getting at the HRC.

Hello all, my name is Kaci, 17 years old, and I just joined this community yesterday in hopes that I can receive help on some issues I'm currently facing. I would also like to say that I'm deeply sorry if I get any of the terms wrong, or I say something that offends anyone. That is not my intention at all. If I say anything wrong or off, just let me know and I'll do my best to remedy it and/or explain myself. :) Anyway, onto the actual post.

( Cut for Length )

Sorry for all of that rambling and what not. Anyway, that's really all I can think of to say about the subject. I'd really appreciate any advice about this.

first album (What Ever Happened To Baby Jayne?) officially done.

you can download it for free here: http://www.mediafire.com/?yfomjmyzmjy

or you can buy a physical copy for 5 bucks (shipping included) via paypal on my myspace... myspace.com/babyjaynerap



bumper stickers available for free too - help me promote my music!



big shouts again to ninjaguydan for the best damn cover art i've ever seen and thanks to everyone who supported me through this process. mixtape, group album, and second album in the works. don't sleep...

tacos. in my stomach. now.

Morning, gentle readers,

I’m just not in the Christmas spirit this year.

A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey, directed by Robert Zemeckis almost put me in the mood, but didn’t quite do it. It’s a wonderful movie, by the way, with beautiful animation, stunning acting, and is a really wonderful adaptation of the classic Christmas story.

I’ve been trying to figure out what’s keeping me from it. Although I don’t identify as Christian, and haven’t for many years; the celebrations at this time of year, are much older than Christianity, and are not just limited to that faith. Normally, I enjoy a holiday camaraderie with my fellow man, and enjoy the hope that along with the rebirth of the sun’s cycle around the earth, this will be the year when we will all learn how to treat our fellows a bit better, and become a kinder, gentler and more giving people.

This year, I haven’t been able to access any of that. The most accurate description of what’s in my heart seems to be when I say “my favorite part of Christmas is when it’s over.”

The season’s hope has been buried under the morass of fear and anger lodged in my heart. It’s about to become punishable by death to be gay in Uganda, and a good portion of people who call themselves religious people, even here in this country, shrug their shoulders, point at Leviticus as justification, and go on about their day. In state after state, people are voting to bar gay folks from getting legally married to a partner of their choice to protect their legal and familial rights. Because heaven forbid, two people of the same gender who love each other, and want to protect each other from the world should get a bit of help from society. It’s bad enough that supposedly devout, pious religious leaders can stand in their pulpits and call us the most vile of names in the name of God, but continually stripping away and denying of human rights seems to be the cause du jour.

Somebody who is virulently anti-gay, described homosexuality as “one man violently cramming his penis into another man’s lower intestine and calling it ‘love.’” See http://americansfortruth.com/news/liberty-counsel-may-lead-pullout-of-cpac-if-homosexual-group-goproud-remains-as-co-sponsor.html. Not to mention the liberal use of standard fare like “sinful” “evil” “aberrant,” etc. Upon hearing this, I thought to myself, “Really? That’s all that love is about in their world? The physical act of fucking? That’s it? And it’s violent?” Maybe I'm not the only one who needs therapy.

More and more, the religion of the Christ seems to be more about hatred towards anybody that’s even a bit different, and the guilt-free beating of other people (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) than anything else. Scarily enough, the more they hate and try to hurt me and those like me, the more I feel backed into a corner, trapped by an angry mob, and the more I contemplate giving back in kind. The more I hate. The more I rail against divinity, in any form. I find myself running just as fast as I can from any type of religious teachings these days. My gut reaction when somebody says anything even remotely religious is “fuck you and the god you rode in on.”

I don’t want to be that guy. The red eyed, angry, bitchy, temperamental and increasingly hateful man who takes offense at everything. It’s not good for my soul. I’m trying to learn how to love better, not hate more. I’m trying to be more accepting for the foibles and the glorious humanity of those around me, and to patiently work to make the world a better place.

“Trying” is the operative phrase in the above paragraph. My confession to you today is that I’m not doing particularly well at any of those things right now.

For those of you who say that the Ugandan legislation is in Africa, and that it could never happen here in the United States, I’ll remind you that the German folks said the same thing in the earlier part of the last century.

I wonder why I’m frightened.

Having said all of that, I'm trying to find a LGBT organization to do some volunteer work for on Christmas Day. Might as well turn my fear to something positive.

Travis

I wanted to share my experience since up until now pretty much all I had heard from trans guys were of negative experiences with pelvic exams. If anyone put off getting one for years and years like I did out of fear of it hurting too much, being too scary, etc, I'm hoping this might be able to reassure you a bit!

( My (positive!) pap smear experience )

I know that a lot of non-prescription T supplements touted by online sources are frequently pure bull, but I was wondering if anyone had heard of/tried BioEntopic?
I'm getting impatient and frustrated, and I just want some way to move forward. I've been stuck in Limbo for too long.

Any experience to share? Thanks.

-Connor


x-posted

just ran someone's credit and their score was 666.

I know, lately I've been in complaint mode, but man...I gotta get some things off my chest.

Let's talk Facebook for two seconds. Now, I will not defend Facebook to anyone, nor will I trash it. I use it, I like it, it has benefits that I like.

However, the whole "Gotta Catch 'Em All" mentality amongst people -koff-bears-koff- is kinda ridiculous. In the last month or so, I've been getting a ton of random bears trying to add me on as a FB friend. I don't recognize more than half of them. I try to do my research, looking to see if they are FAN of something I was part of, or they know me through someone close...then I can put two and two together and say "Oh, well they must have just met so-and-so at a bear run and that's how they know who I am" or something of that nature. I also look to see what kind of Facebook user they are. If I look at their wall (if it's available) and all I see is Mafia Wars and Farmville, and no status updates...*bzzzt* not for me. One more instant IGNORE? If your name is "Bear Johnson" or "Mike Cubbbb" or "Cubby McWoofyBear". WTF. Use your name!

If I can't piece the clues together, then comes the message. I send a message of trying to figure out how they know me:

Thanks for the Facebook friend request...however, I'm terrible with names and faces, and I can't for the life of me remember how I know you. Remind me how I know you or where we've met before I add you on as a Facebook friend.

Thanks!

Now, sometimes, I don't get a response. -click- IGNORE

Sometimes, I get a response, but even then, I question it. Like this one:

Hey there, Bob. I have seen you on the friends list of a few friends and I thought I would say hello and start a new friendship with you. I appreciate your message.

Okay, lets think about that for a second. "I thought I would say hello..." Um, no dude. You didn't say hello. I forced you to say hello back when I asked who you are. "Start a new friendship with you..." Um, you already have 500+ friends, and I had to be the one to initialize a conversation (of sorts) between us. Not a good start. Additionally, it doesn't help when the dude's name is fake, and then he tries to explain it in his FB info. So, I could just confuse the hell out of him and hit ignore, or write him back. If I write him back though, I have a feeling he will get butthurt.

I don't have a high security issue, but I have had actual friends and acquaintances send phishing emails and post phishing stuff to my wall without their knowledge, so I'm careful about that type of stuff. My issue is the "collect all the bears" thing, which doesn't really appeal to me. 99 out 100 times, I never hear from you again after I add you, because you don't really want to "be my friend", you just want to have a big number of them on FB. I should know, I have just over 1000 friends, and cuts are being made soon. I can't justify that I know everyone on my list. A lot of people added me after the game show, and I haven't heard one peep from them.

Get off my lawn! ;)

PS, my brother is on Facebook, and he ain't getting added anytime soon....

death is a side effect of most things.