I’m just going to write down what happened in the order it happened. Otherwise, I’ll get caught up in all kinds of useless trivia and incessant rambling. I’m also going to throw modesty in the trash, and say it’s okay to write stuff that pumps up my head like a Macy’s Parade Balloon Animal.

Saturday night was the annual GLAAD Awards and Billy asked me to go along as one of his other clients, Leslie Jordan was up for an award for his one man show. I panicked, said yes immediately, and then panicked some more. A lot more. Getting ready for the awards on Saturday was stressful enough. I couldn’t decide on shoes, I changed my mind about the dress I was wearing about 3 times, I had make up, and hair pieces, and jewelry scattered around the apartment like a mine field. Pieces of me everywhere. And I continued to panic. I was completely unconcerned with how my house looked, and much more concerned with ending up on the cover of the National Inquirer with a caption that read:

“Alexandra Billings. Tragedy Incarnate.”

I refused to let that happen.

By the time Billy arrived to pick me up, it looked like a drag queen had walked in the house and exploded.

We got to the awards, and Billy informed me that we were indeed going to walk the red carpet . It wasn’t MY night by any means. Leslie Jordan (from “Will and Grace” among other things) was up for an award for his brilliant one man show. Leslie is also Billy’s client, so really, I was expecting to sort of slink in the back round and watch like every other fan. Like a wallflower. A really excited, put together with glue and string wallflower.

As we sat in the lobby of this fabulous hotel, we watched limo after limo pull up front. We waited for Leslie, who was stuck in LA traffic (imagine that), and I promptly told Billy:

“Okay. If I miss a famous person, could you make sure you point them out to me. I don’t want to miss ONE single famous person. And if Meryl Streep walks in, don‘t worry about me, I have an ambulance on speed dial.”

I was desperate. Listen, this is a freaky business, what if this was the last time I was ever going to see a great, big event like this? People get run over by bicyclists you know. It DOES happen. I wasn’t taking any chances.

The first star I saw of the night was Tracey Ullman. She arrived with one guy attached to her, looking terrific, and making her way through the crowd and back to the red carpet. Billy pointed her out to me, and after I saw my first famous person, I was a bit more at ease. I don’t know why, I think it was the expectation of it all. It’s kind of like waiting for a blind date, and then finally having them show up at the door, and discovering they don’t look like Herman Munster.

After Tracey, came the Queer Eye guys (looking chic, and do they always travel in a pack?), then came the guys from “Queer As Folk”, and I was getting very excited. Then, as Billy walked outside to meet Lelsie’s car, in walked Stockard Channing (from “The West Wing”). Among her gigs on TV, she has a monstrous Broadway life as well. I’ve been a fan of this woman’s for years, and so watching her sweep into the lobby as I sat cross legged, alone, sipping coca cola on a doily, was a genuine thrill. She looked great, and was wearing a fantastic long, teal gown with a matching wrap. Just gorgeous. So elegant, and lovely. I think I was stuck in mid sip, because as I sat there gawking, a tall, very good looking man approached me.

“Excuse me, do I know you?” he asked with a microphone thing attached to his ear.

I slurped.

“I don’t know. Do you?” I answered, hoping I hadn’t said something sarcastic to Hal Prince.

“You’re an actress aren’t you?”

“I think so.” I was very nervous now.

He bent down to me, and started to smile.

“I saw you on Karen Sisco, and ER, right?”

I smiled. Really, really big. I couldn’t believe what he just said to me.

“I….yeah. I did. I am. I was. Yes…….yeah.”

Now I was turning into Porky Pig.

“You were great!” he said joyously.

We introduced ourselves to each other, and he couldn’t have been nicer to me. It was very odd to be at such a huge event, seeing Stockard Channing, and getting “sort of” recognized in the lobby.

Leslie arrived, and so the three of us were off to the red carpet.

Now, mind you, I had absolutely no delusions about the fact that this was Leslie’s night, and not mine. It really had nothing to do with me, so for me, just being at the function, and seeing the people and being a part of GLAAD at all was thrilling. What I didn’t know, was that Billy had called GLAAD ahead of time, told them I was coming, and arranged a tiny bit of star treatment for me. They shook my hand, they complimented my work, and were extremely accommodating. As we stood in the wings waiting to enter the red carpet, Billy turned to me and whispered in my ear:

“Alex……look over there.”

I knew it was someone famous, but I had no idea…..

….it was Liza.

Liza was now standing 10 feet away from me. Liza. Liza Minnelli. Liza with a….well, you know.

I honestly thought something I was going to lose a limb.

I wanted so much to go up to her and say something, but my feet wouldn’t move. She was talking to some people surrounding her, waiting to get on the carpet, and I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I would end up fulfilling my Liza Prophecy. So…I stood there, looking. Well…gaping really. She looked AMAZING!!!!! Clear, gorgeous, thin, bright, chattering (because she can), and looking as though she was ready to have a really great time. Liza Minnelli dead ahead. I thought I was dreaming.

As I turned around to face the other way, about 5 feet ahead of me was Stockard Channing. Okay…I was NOT going to blow THIS chance. I asked Billy if it would be weird if I said something to her.

“No! Go ahead. Do it, Alex. Go.”

He was sooo great, unaware of my ability to chase famous people away from a function with a single sentence. I took a breath, rehearsed what I was going to say to her, and marched directly up to her.

First off, she’s really, really beautiful. I don’t mean she’s merely an attractive woman, I mean there’s something REGAL about her. It was almost eerie. I took her hand, and said as best I could:

“Ms. Channing, my name is Alexandra Billings, and I’ve always enjoyed your work. It’s a real pleasure to shake your hand. I just wanted to say that.”

And then I let out a sigh that must have seemed like a belch, it was so loud.

Her green-violet eyes beamed a little bit, and she smiled.

“Thank you very much”, she said still smiling, “….I love being here, this is one of my favorite awards shows. I LOVE what this organization does, don’t you?”

Stockard Channing just asked me a question. I didn’t know how to answer Stockard Channing, so I said to Stockard Channing, I said:

“Well, yes Stockard Channing, yes I do. I agree with you wholeheartedly Stockard Channing. Stockard Channing…..that’s exactly what I think………….Stockard Channing.”

I think she thought I was autistic. I repeated her name so many times SHE almost started doing it.

Then Liza went out on the carpet, and I’m telling you, I’ve never heard this kind of noise before in my life. People screaming at the top of their lungs, flash bulbs going off left and right. The noise was so loud it sounded like a train de railing. Stockard was next, and then Leslie, and then……me. I was terrified. I really didn’t know what to do, or who to look at, and I had a terrible fear of tripping in front of ET. I stepped out behind Leslie, and with Billy directly behind me. I stood.

The bulbs went off.

Pictures were taken.

I stood on the red carpet behind Liza Minnelli and my very good friend Stockard Channing, and as I posed for the few photographers who knew who I was. I suddenly regressed into a 5 year old in front of Mother’s mirror in her bedroom. All that practice, all that time alone pretending I was sick and staying home from school came into play right then, right there at that very moment. All the time watching all those awards shows since I could remember, and there I was, posing, smiling, tilting my head so I didn’t have Turkey Neck, and it all came rushing toward me like a car out of control. I was thunderstruck. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

It was The Most Surreal Experience I’ve Ever Had In My Life.

And I’ve had a bunch.

The Red Carpet was thrilling. Mind boggling. Bizarre. And unbelievably exciting. I told Billy it was one of the 5 best nights of my life. And I meant that.

We entered the theatre, and sat down. I still couldn’t believe I was sitting in a theatre with all these amazing actors, and 8 rows behind Liza. Yes, I counted. Then, they began to show the opening collage of some clips from shows that featured Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered characters from this past year. They played scenes from Will and Grace, Queer as Folk, The “L” Word, and then….as Billy and I sat there, legs crossed, me still hyperventilating from what just happened minutes ago, they played my scene from ER. Neither of us was aware this was going to happen, and we both screamed a bit, and grabbed each other’s thighs. My little scene…played in front of Liza Minnelli………and my very good friend Stockard Channing.

Billy turned to me, his smile was huge, and he simply said:

“Wow. That was something.”

At that moment was when I think I missed Chrisanne the most. The moment where she would have grabbed my hand and looked at me. I missed her more than I can say. My heart stopped for a minute, I started to tear up a little, and then I remembered that there were cameras on the audience.

“Mommy? Why is that Transgendered lady crying?”

“I don’t know dear, maybe her good friend Stockard Channing will reveal something.”

The show itself was great. The awards were handed out, everyone was in great spirits, there was a gorgeous, heart felt, uber intelligent speech by Executive Director Joan Gerry. About inclusion, about sticking shame in the oven, about loving who you need to love, about progress, submission, the closet, the Christian fundamentalists, about how far we’ve come, and about how far we need to go, about the years of struggle, and the relief we can bask in. It brought the evening together. We knew why we were there. It came around and bit me in the behind. I looked around. There weren’t many Transgendered people there that night, and it made me a bit sad. I wanted to revel in my own community but I understand it’s going to take time. I know that. And I knew what was really important after that amazing speech.

And then…..Liza sang.

She was in great voice, and she sang one of my favorite Charles Azenvous songs: “What Makes A Man A Man?” Brilliant. Just like the old Liza.

“Billy…..?” I said quietly.

Billy turned to me after Liza had finished.

“Yes?” he asked standing.

“I feel like Cinderella at the ball.”

He smiled.

“This is only the beginning.” he said reassuringly.

I don’t know if my heart can take much more. I really don’t.