“…..and how long have you known you were Transgender?”
“Well….how long have you known you were not?”
It’s really the same thing. There’s a lot about what I am that confuses me, but there’s one thing I know for a fact, it’s not a choice. It’s not something I decided to do because there was nothing on TV that night.
I’ve known it. I’ve always known it. It was never something I pondered or considered or truly questioned. It was a fact of my life. I may have tried to live a lie for the people in my life in order to make them more comfortable, but it was never, ever in question. How can it be? How really questions whether they’re a boy or a girl? You may question your taste. You may question your memory, but rarely do most people have to think whether or not you’re a boy or a girl. That’s usually something that’s pretty much set in stone.
It was the same thing for me. The exact same thing.
In Philadelphia, there’s a 9 year old whose parents have allowed him to begin his transition.
“The Haverford School District consulted experts on transgender children, then sent letters to parents advising them that the guidance counselor would meet with the school's 100 third-grade students to explain why their classmate would now wear girls' clothes and be called by a girl's name.
Some parents objected. Eight called the principal to ask that their child not attend the session, and some posted angry messages on the Haverford Township blog.
"Why is the school introducing this subject to 8- and 9-year-olds?" wrote the parent who started the blog thread, which had been viewed more than 3,000 times as of yesterday. "Why were we not notified sooner. We received the letter today, the discussion at school is tomorrow."
Other parents thought the school should not have called attention to an already delicate situation.
"I did not think that the letter needed to go out," said Valerie Huff, whose daughter is friends with the transgender student. "The kids don't make any big deal about it at all."
I’m not really sure why there was a letter sent out in the first place, but it makes sense to me why some parents are outraged. There’s so much fear and mystery surrounding what I am. People tend to get a bit frightened of things they don’t understand. If it doesn’t make sense, it’s to be avoided. So…let’s not talk about it.
I always gravitated toward the girls when I was 8 or 9. The boys didn’t make much sense to me. I didn’t understand them much at all. What they wanted, how they reacted, and certainly the games they played. Why they wanted to run around the playground chasing each other with a oblong ball in their arms tackling each other and getting far too dirty was a mystery to me. And to be honest….it still is.
When my teacher caught me playing ball, or dolls near the jungle-jim with a gaggle of my girlfriends, she called my mother. I had many stern conversations about why I needed more male friends.
“You need to be with more boys. You’re a boy and you don’t need to be with other girls” my mother said to me.
But I wasn’t. I wasn’t a boy and I didn’t have the language to be able to tell her that. Besides, at that time, there was no such thing as Transgender. There was Milton Berle and Flip Wilson. That’s what there was. We were a punch line. Plain and simple.
My mother even went as far as to write a huge note and pin it to my shirt that said:
“Please do not allow Scott to play with the girls”
….in big red letters. I know she was trying to help. To have the kids accept me. To stop the bullying, the fighting, the name calling, and this was a woman from the 50’s. Donna Reed never had anything like this to deal with. Ever.
I wore the note pinned to my electric green shirt to school, and then when I got to the front door of my class, I took it off, and put it in my pocket. I mean honestly, red letters with a green shirt? What was she thinking? I wasn’t about to go to school looking like a Christmas tree.
I see us all changing. I think my favorite part ofthis particular article was the fact that the kids didn’t seem to have a problem with it at all. It was the older generation. My generation. My age group. Well, maybe it’s more about information really. If they understand it, it won’t seem too scary. That big monster in the closet isn’t real. And now when that little girl grows up and does an interview and some reporter asks her:
“How long have you known your Transgender?”
She can honestly say:
“That’s never even been a question. Just ask my mom.”
“
“Well….how long have you known you were not?”
It’s really the same thing. There’s a lot about what I am that confuses me, but there’s one thing I know for a fact, it’s not a choice. It’s not something I decided to do because there was nothing on TV that night.
I’ve known it. I’ve always known it. It was never something I pondered or considered or truly questioned. It was a fact of my life. I may have tried to live a lie for the people in my life in order to make them more comfortable, but it was never, ever in question. How can it be? How really questions whether they’re a boy or a girl? You may question your taste. You may question your memory, but rarely do most people have to think whether or not you’re a boy or a girl. That’s usually something that’s pretty much set in stone.
It was the same thing for me. The exact same thing.
In Philadelphia, there’s a 9 year old whose parents have allowed him to begin his transition.
“The Haverford School District consulted experts on transgender children, then sent letters to parents advising them that the guidance counselor would meet with the school's 100 third-grade students to explain why their classmate would now wear girls' clothes and be called by a girl's name.
Some parents objected. Eight called the principal to ask that their child not attend the session, and some posted angry messages on the Haverford Township blog.
"Why is the school introducing this subject to 8- and 9-year-olds?" wrote the parent who started the blog thread, which had been viewed more than 3,000 times as of yesterday. "Why were we not notified sooner. We received the letter today, the discussion at school is tomorrow."
Other parents thought the school should not have called attention to an already delicate situation.
"I did not think that the letter needed to go out," said Valerie Huff, whose daughter is friends with the transgender student. "The kids don't make any big deal about it at all."
I’m not really sure why there was a letter sent out in the first place, but it makes sense to me why some parents are outraged. There’s so much fear and mystery surrounding what I am. People tend to get a bit frightened of things they don’t understand. If it doesn’t make sense, it’s to be avoided. So…let’s not talk about it.
I always gravitated toward the girls when I was 8 or 9. The boys didn’t make much sense to me. I didn’t understand them much at all. What they wanted, how they reacted, and certainly the games they played. Why they wanted to run around the playground chasing each other with a oblong ball in their arms tackling each other and getting far too dirty was a mystery to me. And to be honest….it still is.
When my teacher caught me playing ball, or dolls near the jungle-jim with a gaggle of my girlfriends, she called my mother. I had many stern conversations about why I needed more male friends.
“You need to be with more boys. You’re a boy and you don’t need to be with other girls” my mother said to me.
But I wasn’t. I wasn’t a boy and I didn’t have the language to be able to tell her that. Besides, at that time, there was no such thing as Transgender. There was Milton Berle and Flip Wilson. That’s what there was. We were a punch line. Plain and simple.
My mother even went as far as to write a huge note and pin it to my shirt that said:
“Please do not allow Scott to play with the girls”
….in big red letters. I know she was trying to help. To have the kids accept me. To stop the bullying, the fighting, the name calling, and this was a woman from the 50’s. Donna Reed never had anything like this to deal with. Ever.
I wore the note pinned to my electric green shirt to school, and then when I got to the front door of my class, I took it off, and put it in my pocket. I mean honestly, red letters with a green shirt? What was she thinking? I wasn’t about to go to school looking like a Christmas tree.
I see us all changing. I think my favorite part ofthis particular article was the fact that the kids didn’t seem to have a problem with it at all. It was the older generation. My generation. My age group. Well, maybe it’s more about information really. If they understand it, it won’t seem too scary. That big monster in the closet isn’t real. And now when that little girl grows up and does an interview and some reporter asks her:
“How long have you known your Transgender?”
She can honestly say:
“That’s never even been a question. Just ask my mom.”
“
Page Summary
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
killerjoe : Flip Wilson always made me wince. [+0] - oneloveonelight : (no subject) [+0]
- jamitx : (no subject) [+0]
- aaronchgo : (no subject) [+0]
- (Anonymous) : Huge Note [+1]
Comments
I wasn't allowed to climb fences, play football (but did anyway, though I never understood the game.) I wasn't supposed to climb the monkey bars.
So I jumped rope, talked abut General Hospital (which my Mom and I watched religiously when I was a kid) and wanted to be more of a boy than I was allowed to be.
Right now, as I'm in seminary, we are looking a lot at our lives to this point. I've been giving gender a lot of thought. The topic is complex. But my first rule in dealing with people is not:
You tell me who you are. I go with it.
If you tell me that you only eat chocolate ice cream on Tuesdays, I'll believe you. If you tell me that your name used to be Jennifer but now it's Jacob, I'll honor that.
It is my hope that all children live lives filled with protection and love. I know that this is not true. But I will say a little prayer every now and again for this little girl in Haverford.
May the Divine walk near by those of us who are slightly different. Which, of course, means all of us.
I'm a woman and I remember being about 10 or so and looking at a woman in the locker room of our local swimming pool. Her breasts were gorgeous. I stared at her and wanted to touch her. I was attracted to her and thought nothing was amiss about that. Until my mom caught me staring and said rather sternly, "You aren't turned on by naked women, are you?" And immediately I felt a sense of judging and shame because of my mother. Most kids don't obsess about issues of sexuality and gender until adults influence them.
My mother says transgender people are unnatural and they go against god's plan for them. Fine. I have a severe hearing loss. Maybe I shouldn't wear a hearing aid at all. Because it's god's plan for me not to hear. Maybe my dad shouldn't get heart surgery because it's god's plan for him to have a bad heart. Maybe it's god's plan that I have brown hair and therefore I should never dye my hair any other color. Or I shouldn't put on wrinkle cream because it's god's plan for me to get wrinkles.
You get to be who you feel you are inside in virtually all aspects of life. For example someone can be an artist, a person who likes hot fudge sundaes, have a boob job, be a redhead (out of a box), and get 5 tattoos and 4 piercings. And, unless you're a quaker or something, no one would protest ANY of that. What's the difference between any of those things and being transgender? To me, there's no difference. You're being who you ARE. We are ALL different.
It made me so angry I went and hid his marijuana. But that's another story.
I just remember when all the other little boys wanted to be the Six Million Dollar Man or Evel Knievel, I wanted to be Maude.
We go to lunch.
The boys come in to the lunch-room, ask me to sit with them. During recess the boys ask me to play with them, after school I was invited to play an odd sport with them involving "gear".
Although their intentions meant well I had caught on what had happened when the teachers asked the boys to leave the room.
I called my friend Danny after school and he told me what the meeting was about. I became really embarrassed and felt pretty stupid.
If I wanted to play with the boys I would have. If I enjoyed what the boys were doing I would have joined them. It's not that the boys excluded me. I enjoyed cheering on the sidelines with the girls, talking about them, seeing them at dances...ohhhh. Memories.
The minds that need to be educated are not that of the children but of the authority around them. Good for the school to bring it to the attention. I understand it's a lot to take in at their age, however I believe it to be the best age. There is a huge big world out there and we all know that. School is there to prepare them for this world. Right? Why "protect" or "shelter" them from people, ideas, and most importantly their own identity. Because WE ARE NOT protecting or sheltering them from anything. We are making it harder and longer for children to find their own identity and feelings by feeding them our own.
"I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they posses inside."
Matt Valle
(On the bright side, though, you got cupcakes! That's never a bad thing...:-))