About a year ago I went to an audition for a new pilot that’s still sitting on someone’s shelf at the moment. It was a very important audition and I was terrified. I’ve spoken of my lack of fashion sense before, and when I walk into an audition, I try and look as good as I can. Usually, if it’s for a transgender role, I run into the same three faces:

Calpernia, Kelly, Candis, and Willam.

Yup. That’s right. There’s four of us. In Hollywood. Four. Count ‘em.

So I know when I meet the girls in some random waiting room, they’ll be dressed to the nines, in their Gucci, and their strands of trinkets and bobbles, and fabulous shoes and coifed hair. I’m just trying my best to not wear the same Gap outfit I wore a week ago.

I need help.

At this particular audition, I met for the first time, the woman I’ve been stalking since I got to Hollywood. And Willem’s Blog is one of the funniest around. She was sparkly that day. We sat on a couch and chatted and I felt immediately at ease. In fact, we’ve been attempting to go shopping for the last year. LA is a hard place to make dates with people. You either pencil someone in and cancel at the last minute, or you try your hardest to keep arranging something that your agent won’t scream at you for.

All in all, as we sat together, I felt under-dressed and kind of like her older lesbain softball manager. That’s okay. It was a good talk, and she’s since given me some of her local dress shop secrets. (I recently bought a little cocktail dress at one of them, and I actually matched the shoes. I then marched up and down Sunset and had my own private parade.)

But here, Willem, with a bird’s eye view of all The American Idol contestants, gives us her own special review of the tragedy that was The Night of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Her blurb about Seyesha is hilarious:




“The Syeasha chick was good but miss lady and I need to have a sit-down.

I've tried on that same $975 Herve Leger bandage dress Syeasha wore last week while I was on Melrose. I put heels on so I could see how it really looked once the booty was tooshed up. That was just for the DRESSING ROOM.”




That’s right. Exactly. Gotcha.

Now I’ve got to take this girdle off, it’s killing me.