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The Golden Globe Awards

Another opening, another show. I hadn’t made plans for this year and Mitchell’s in Chicago so I had nowhere to go and noone to gab with on Golden Globes night. I was not happy. So I made an emergency call to my pals Jamie and Lindsay. They graciously allowed me to barge in on their night, even with Jamie’s awful chest cold, and Huck (their gorgeous blonde haired boy) sleeping soundly in the other room, to come over, invade their house, and watch the show. 3 hours of glittering entertainment, stretched out over a 6 hour period. This puppy was long. But we were all doing okay. Cuddled up on their comfy brown couch, munching on one of the best burgers I’ve had since I can remember, and occasionally defying time as we chatted and Tivo-ed at our leisure.

I’ve got to get me one of those Tivo things. We stopped, gabbed, smoked, laughed, complained, haggled, and then resumed the show as if nothing had ever happed. What WILL they think of next?

Jamie predicted every single winner. An odd talent to be sure, but one that I can certainly verify.

Here’s what I saw:

*The biggies were noticeably absent. No Paul Newman, no Joanne Woodward, no Judy Dench. I wasn’t happy about that at all.

*Joan Rivers asked Emma Thompson how her ex husband Colin Firth was doing.

*I love full figured gals. Love them. However, Mariah Carrey now looks like Walking Floor Art. She’s too old to dress like a hoochie Mama, and too full figured for the Liberace glitz half covering her heaving bosom. Someone stop her. Please.

*Speaking of bosoms, what’s up Droopy Drew?

*Steve Carrel is my new boyfriend. He prepared a speech and acted as if his wife wrote it for him. He thanked his wife about 5 times, and each time it got more hilarious. Carrel is refreshing in a land that’s based on failed improvisational humor. He’s a genius. She’s a lucky woman.

*I love it when the monitor’s don’t work. Put movie stars in front of a camera with no lines to say, and they become drooling, pooping, morons.

*Speaking of which, Queen Latifah looked terrific. For some reason though, with her in that couture ensemble, her hair slicked back, pulled, and 14 pieces attached, and 63 pounds of make up and concealer on her, it’s hard for her to still have “Street Cred”. When she opened the show, she told us all it was “..time to get down.” No it’s not, Queen. It’s really not that time at all.

*Who put Clint Eastwood in a purple, velvet tuxedo? I want names. And addresses.

*Is “Lost” really that good? I’m actually asking, I’ve never seen it. Is it?

*I’m thrilled that Jauquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon collected statues. That made me happy and they made lovely speeches. I wish Reese would have worn something else besides Reynolds Wrap, but that could just be me.

*The Anthony Hopkins Tribute could have been longer. There’s never enough of him.

*No Dead People Montage? Didn’t people die this year? Hello?!

*Brokeback Mountain swept the awards. I knew it would. (So did Jamie). Not surprised. Go Gays.

*There’s something wrong with Melanie Griffith. I’m not kidding. There’s something terribly wrong with her.

*I liked the Joan Rivers Mask Joan Rivers was wearing. It almost looked real.

*Geena Davis looked absolutely fantastic. Loved the dress. Loved the hair. Love her acting. A great night for her. I haven’t seen her show, but I’m a fan of hers and have been for a while. She’s a good ole fashioned star. And the fake story about the kid tugging at the hem of dress? Classic.

*Its always a pleasure to see Shirley McLain. I loved seeing how happy she was for Reese and Joaquin. Are they friends of hers? Odd. Maybe she was just loaded.

*Catherine Denuve is a wonder.

*Candice Bergen is aging gracefully. I’m surprised no one wrote her a ticket before entering the room. That’s got to be some kind of felony in Hollywood. I was sad she didn’t win.

*John Travolta kissed Joaquin Phoenix. I’m sorry, but that was hot.

*Sarah Jessica Parker (who looked stunning) and Mathew Broderick are getting cuter and cuter. It’s a tad sickening.

*Johnny Depp looked half way human. He was dressed in a sort black suit with a blood red shirt and a blood red hankie. His hair was tousled, and not in a Russel-Crowe-I’ve-had-enough-of-the-establishment-and-I’m-aging-so-I-stuck-my-head-under-the-sink sort of way. But cute and hip and a bit nasty. He’s such a great actor and such a real, honest bohemian, I usually forgive him anything.

*Speaking of Russell Crowe, look, I know you’re tough, and I know you like to pounce on things with your fists, and I know you have a short fuse when it comes to phones and guys at the front desks of Hotels, but when the camera turns on you, and you know its’ on you, don’t run your fingers through your hair and do a combination hair toss/toothy smile to get that “Rough Look”. It’s as phony as you are.

*I want to punch Renee Zelwegger right in the lips. At close range.

*I loved that Phillip Seymour Hoffman won his award, although my heart broke a little for David Strathairn. He’s one of those stellar actors who, for years, has been giving consistently great performances and rarely gets recognized. He’s a literal magician when it comes to his craft and he does it without flair or false bravado. He’s a quiet, gorgeous presence that always illuminates a role and always adds to the project. I hope this at least pushes him to the head of the line for an Oscar bid. At the very least, he deserves that for all the years of miraculous performances he’s given us. He was also very gracious when he lost. That broke my heart a little more.

*Terri Hatcher needs a good breakfast. Something with syrup in it.

*I loved watching Sandra Oh getting lost on her way up to the stage. Wonderful, wonderful actress in a great show. Very happy for her. And she looked GREAT!

*Oh Ms Moore? Ms Mandy Moore? You know the tall gay guy with the hot comb and the hairspray, tapping his size 10 pump in the corner of your hotel room? Yeah. He’s your hairdresser. Please use him.

*I love me some country stars. I love me some Dolly, some Reba, some Bonnie, some Hank, I love me some country stars. This is not the CMA’s, Mr. Tim McGraw. Please take off your big, black, serving plate sized hat.

*Lindsay Jones is right. Pierce Brosnan IS a good looking guy.

Okay. Everything was going along swimmingly. We were laughing, giggling, having a good time, weeping a bit, and generally enjoying the show. And then, Felicity Huffman won. I was fine. I was fine up until that very moment. And then everything came rushing back like someone opened a gate. I relived the audition, the phone call, the audition again, the phone call twice, and then……well, the audition. As I’ve said before, Duncan couldn’t have been kinder to me, and I completely understood why it happened the way it happened. Hollywood is like any business. It’s the guy who can draw in the most clients that usually gets the job. Plus, Huffman’s’ a hell of an actress. But as I sat there, with my hands to my face, my breath caught in my throat, it was, I admit, hard to take. I felt my head get a little warm, and my face start to flush a bit. Jamie’s hand rubbed my back, and she asked if I was okay. I kind of wasn’t. I listened to Huffman’s speech, which was great, and I went outside to smoke. And try not to ram my head against a random rock.

I walked out on the porch, and I started to tear up, and then Lindsay followed me outside in the cold as a small brisk breeze blew through us.

“Am I nuts Linz? Do you think I’m nuts? Am I crazy for doing this? Honestly. I want you to answer me honestly. I trust you.”

He looked me straight in the eye, and without hesitation, he rammed me with his words:

“You’re not nuts, Alex. You’re not. You’re’ fine. And who knows? Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be this time. That doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. It doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen. It WILL happen, I know it will. Someday, when you get that award, you’re going to remember this night and it’ll make for a great story.”

I looked at him and blew my smoke away.


He looked at me again with those big, brown eyes.

“Yeah. Really.”

Lindsay stopped me from crying.

I walked in the house where Jamie was curled up on the couch barely awake and hacking like Elaine Stritch.

“I love your husband.” I said in all honesty.

“Yeah. He’s good.” She agreed smiling.

“He’s a good man, Jamie. I’m not kidding. He’s a real good man.”

This was a strange awards show for me. I had a fabulous time, with some fabulous people, and probably more than that, I let go of some stuff. I feel lucky to have these kinds of people I have in my life. I’m ready for the Oscars, as I’m sure Ms. Huffman is as well.



( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2006 10:08 am (UTC)
You have a standing invitation at our house. Including the Oscars!

Jan. 17th, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC)
We almost started to call you and invite you over, but we had had a very long Sunday and we were in mutual comas.

However, I did think of you when she won. Frankly, I prefer to think of it as a way of opening a door just slightly farther. The reason you're going to succeed with your career goals is because you're going to succeed with your career goals. Besides, you always have BroShack Mountain as a refuge. We like you. You sing good. You make us laugh. What else is life?

Steve Schalchlin
Jan. 17th, 2006 05:45 pm (UTC)
Mitchell's Musings...
-Isaac Mizraahi is out of control..and i for one am better for it.
-I love Sandra Oh..she is great on her show which is one of my and Chrisanne's required viewings..but..there was a raw,naked, ambition exposed that made me uncomfortable.
-Clooney is so hot..never thought so before..but God..he's the real deal..hip,sexy,smart,old-hollywood star quality...and he told Joan Rivers he was gay and did a brilliant riff about it on the red carpet...not str8 guy smarmy..but really funny and like he has gay friends who would find it funny too.
-in general everyone looked fantastic..sort of a shame..i miss the days when people dressed themselves...more nightmares! MORE!
-having said that...Kate Beckinsale clearly went into Amish country , stole a table cloth and wrapped it around her emaciated frame.
-yes Melanie is troubled but wouldnt u be if ur daughter(with Don Johnson, no less) was a ZOMBIE!!!!!!!
-Drew-py Boobymoore..wassup bubby boobs??????
-why was Shirley sitting next to Reese and Ryan and Joaquin? That was the cool toable...although note to Ryan Phillipe..."we KNOW ur famous too..sit down and shut up..its not ur night!
-Mary Lousie Parker is nuts on a very deep level...brilliant but nuts.
-Hey! Hey! Jonathan Rhys Meyer...ur hot, ur talented..lighten the FUCK UP!!!
-S. Epatha Merkerson...Pure. Liquid. Class. see Lakawanna Blues..its amazing.
-the fatter Mariah gets the more i love her..like a fat cousin Donna...or like Elizabeth Taylor in the eighties.
-have u noticed that Anthony Hopkins,obviously brillant hasn't really done that many great films?? Lion in Winter, Silence of the Lambs, Remains of the Day, Howard's End...and? I mean a really great film ..not just his performance?
-Peter Jackson...genuch is genuch...haha..we get it..now cut ur hair!
-where was Jake Gyllenhaal? Eric H. said he was home wearing Kirsten Dunst's clothes dreaming 'bout Heath.
-was Clint Eastwood chosen to present best picture because it was clear that Brokeback would win. He didnt seemed amused by the juxtaposition..like "Queer westerns???!!! Ick!" Watch his face.
-Jaoquin makes me cry..dont know why..maybe its the brother dying in the arms thing..or the cleft lip that he has made sexy..i dont know..but i am his forever!
-Thnaks to Geena Davis, Steve Carrell, George Clooney and Felicity Huffman(sorry Alex..i totally get it) for knowing how to make award show speeches with humor and class.
-I LOVE AWARD SHOWS and if Alex hadn't deserted me i wouldn't have to bore u all with these bullshit musings.
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Mitchell's Musings...
Hilarious musings, Mitchell! Yes, I have the same reaction to Mariah Carey -- bring on the helium-filled pulchtritude and get those Micronesian girls going on sewing sequins to the Cleopatra-esque caftan for the 2007 Golden Globes now!

Joaquin makes me cry, too, with his intense injured gruff puppy thang.

Frankly, they needed a Shelley Winters tribute. So what if it meant someone had to get busy on Sunday. Couldda been done, and a huge missed opportunity. Shelley embodied the Golden Globes: loud, shrill, overblown, tipsy, and dripping with talent.

S. Epatha Merkeson in Lakkawanda Blues. I just love the cadence of that.
Ess a PAY tha MER ke son in

Reminds me of Adam's Rib, when the Bonners are having a few judges over for dinner and snarky Kip is at the piano. Kate says, "How very nice to see you, Mrs. Mercheson," and Kip immediately sets it to music: "How very nice to see you, Mrs. Mercheson, how very nice to see you, Mrs. Mercheson!"

- Stevie
Jan. 18th, 2006 03:43 am (UTC)
Re: Mitchell's Musings...
Mitchell you are forgetting MAGIC! One of the most brilliant performances EVER. Magic where the dummy makes him kill. I swear when Gwyneth brought that one up, Antony (with a "T" not a "th" as Gwyneth so prissily pronounced it)looked like he was going to kill whoever wrote his lead-in. Also...even AnTony is embarrassed about Florida. Did you notice how he thanked the people there (his wife's peeps I guess)

Jan. 17th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)
Huffman Schmuffman
I swear, Alex, my head was pounding, too, when Felicity won, out of empathy and hypertension. No doubt your time will come, but damnit, that was your part. What a surreal experience to watch someone get accolades for doing what you shouldda been doing. A big, stinkin Hollywood shame, that's what it is. I suddenly GET what it's like to be Joan Fontaine. Nothing against Felicity, but I hope she's between you and the stage when it's time for you to claim your Golden Globe. Her face would look sooooo good with stilletto marks all over it.

That said, I'm proud of you for letting go of some stuff around this - but I just had to gnaw on the bone a little. (I'm hungry!)

xoxo Stevie

Jan. 17th, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC)
"Mary Lousie Parker is nuts on a very deep level...brilliant but nuts"

hahahahaha SO TRUE!
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
brendan here...
i've been spreading the word to all i know that the wrong person picked up the award for transamerica.

and, as far as anthony hopkins and great films, please...a little respect for "magic", please.
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:26 pm (UTC)
it may be what makes her such an interesting actress but it makes me rethink my condemnation of Billy Cruddup..maybe he was running for his life!!?? Right into Claire Danes arms.
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC)
Bren..i still have nightmares about Magic but..Sir Antony(fuck u Gwyneth!)...made abunch of stinkers..one with Bo Derke if im not msitaken!
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)
btw Bren..dont u love me anymore?
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
I actually thought that Nixon was a great film all around. Great performance by him - but tremendous film in all respects - all the other actors just as good as he was - I don't know. I know a lot of people didn't feel that way, but I loved that film.

-- sheila
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:31 pm (UTC)
I still have nightmares about Magic too. Terrifying. Kinda stupid, but terrifying!!

I think Hopkins was at his best in Remains of the Day. WHAT A PERFORMANCE!!!

-- sheila
Jan. 17th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
Magic freaked me out, too, but mostly because demure sex kitten Ann-Margaret says, "Fan-fuckin-tastic!"

:) Stevie
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC)
good one Sheil! Nixon is good. But in general..he made a lot of clunkers...he wasn't really hot or even on the radar unti the Merchant-Ivory collaborations...am i right?... and STEVIE(i yell to get ur attention)..i used to collect fat pics of Liz Taylor when i was a wee gay-fella...so im all about the Macy's size Mariah..plus we have the Mariah fest of the grammy's to look forward too...no shit..her cd is soooooo good...not for camp value..but for real ..i love it..fave of the year.
Jan. 17th, 2006 07:23 pm (UTC)
Re: Mitchell
HAHAHA - well Mitchell, you're a man after my own heart. I loved it when Liz was married to Senator John Warner and was big as a boat. Her interviews with Barbara Walters at the time were great, all nuzzling her husband and wearing a white chiffon muu muu: "I'm fat and I'm happy, Barbara, glad to be a Washington wife. I'm happy, damnit, H.A.P.P.Y., happy!" I liked her strength, defensiveness and crassness. Then she divorced the Senator (natch), lost weight, a lot of it, courtesy of a pharmaceutical regime Elvis would've envied, and was back on Baba's show, taped during some mashugina TV movie where Ms. Taylor is dressed in a full-on Becky Sharp get-up, complete with lace parasol, her waist cinched to an impossible 20 inches or something. She's all whispers and exhaustion: "Gosh! I was so unhappy when I was fat." Baba says something like, "What was it like, a beautiful person like you, looking so HORRible?" And Ms. Taylor breathlessly says, "It .... was .... awful." Then Baba says, "What would you say to all the FAT women out there?" And little miss narco/breathy says, "Lose weight, because, well because, just lose weight."

A couple months later, she was strung out and bloated. Love ya, Liz!

Mariah is well on her way to epic ballooniness. Love it. Honestly, she's like helium filled, isn't she? That would be a great video premise - Miriah in a gold sequined mini dress, big as a Macy's float, bobbing over the Grand Tetons at sunset, with a wicker basket dangling from a garter belt, hot hip hop guys in the basket drinking Dom Perignon and pulling the thingy that sends a blast of hot air up her poonie! So hot!

But seriously, I LOVE "We Belong Together." Awesome song.

xoxo Stevie

Jan. 17th, 2006 06:39 pm (UTC)
Hopkins was obviouisly a successful working actor - but you're right - it wasn't until he was in his ... 50s? ... that he moved to the upper echelon. Really extraordinary.

I must insist that you see The World's Fastest Indian when it comes out. I saw an advance copy - it's wonderful. It's kinda cheesy but he is, of course, so good - a really different kind of part for him. Really heartwarming story in general.

-- sheila
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC)
oh i'm on it...the preview and ur blog on it was enuf to get me there..id see poop burning if you said it was worth it!-mitchell
Jan. 17th, 2006 06:46 pm (UTC)
Joaquin and Travolta
I was thinking they were a bit snuggly. I know they did Ladder 49 together, but jeez...Joaquin's an odd duck, anyway. I just hope JT isn't converting him to you-know-what...

Jan. 17th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC)
Beth...my fantasy is taht when John and Joaq worked together..they had a brief but torrid thing(old habits die hard dont they Johnny T.???)..sort of a mentor/pupil Greek thing...im crazy!-Mitchell
Jan. 17th, 2006 07:23 pm (UTC)
golden globes
Hi Alex,

Jackie of Connecticut here (mitchell's Jackie, etc). I left a comment a moment ago, but I think I lost it, so if I repeat myself, sorry! Anyhoooo, of course I've only met you once in my life, but last night I dreamt that you and I were at a big awards show in California and you sent me out for ice cream and cigarettes. You were beautiful and very kind. I have no idea what this means, but today I was reading Sheila's blog, got linked over here (which I intend to visit a lot more by the way!) so it must mean something. I believe your golden globe is right around the corner baby. love and health to you and a happy new year....... perhaps I am becoming THE MEEEEEEEEEEEDIUM!

Jan. 17th, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC)
Re: golden globes
The funny thing is, because of Mitchell and Sheila, I feel like I sort of know you already.

Thanks for the commect Jackie, I appreaciate it. Come back!


By the by, I wished Arquette would have won something. She actually looked human last night. That's a feat for those freaky Arquettes.
Jan. 17th, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC)
jackie, sheila and alex together..even in cyber-space..its my dream come true!!!!-Mitchell
Jan. 17th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
Maybe we should start one big, fat, hairy Blog.

Jan. 17th, 2006 08:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Baby
By the way Mitchell, I finally caught Isaak on E! this morning. You're right. He was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!
Jan. 17th, 2006 09:12 pm (UTC)
OK, I have to sheepishly admit that I'm not a professional awards show-watcher. I caught the new 24 episodes before switching over for the last hour of the GG's. But of course when Huffman won, "Alex!" immediately shot through my consciousness. I haven't seen the movie yet, but Felicity is a very good actress and I thought she gave a gracious acceptance speech. Which of course does nothing to make you feel any better about the deal...

The best and most true thing I can think of to say is that your talent goes way beyond any matter of demographic categories. It would have been really cool if you had gotten this role and I have no doubt that you would have been brilliant in it, but you have the capacity to do great things in any number of different contexts - most of which have nothing to do with your gender history. Larger numbers of folks WILL eventually recognize what those of us here already see...

Jan. 18th, 2006 12:35 pm (UTC)
What Mike said..
Larger numbers of folks WILL eventually recognize what those of us here already see...


Jan. 17th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I just have to step in here and declare that I love Mariah's new album as well. Awesome stuff.

-- sheila
Jan. 17th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
I posted a very similar blog this morning, then came over and read yours...we think A LOT alike! I was totally thinking of you last night when Felicity won, I'm glad she did, but I kept thinking to myself that it could of been you...but, SOMEDAY! I believe in you :)
Jan. 19th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC)
Alex -

You're still Queen of the Auto Show in my book.


Jan. 19th, 2006 11:53 pm (UTC)
And that makes me proud to be an American.
Jan. 20th, 2006 01:20 am (UTC)
Thanks for the complete update, Alex. I enjoyed reading your take on the celebs and the statues. I so agree about Mariah Carey. The last few times I have seen her...I wanted to offer her a shawl. It is time to wear less revealing clothing on her ever growing bosom. Ditto your thoughts on Terri Hatcher. She definitely needs to eat a high calorie meal or two. Joan Rivers is looking scarier every time I see her, too. I saw Felicity Huffman win and I was very pleased.

You are a joy to read. Your comments really made me feel like I was there with you. Thanks for sharing.

~Alice, Lil' Sis of the Queen of All Evil
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )